we have officially lost it.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
