ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We are two peas in an std pod
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Randomize
