"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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