I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
