butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
