i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We left an ass print on the piano.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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