just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
