i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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