so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
