your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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