It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
