I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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