I love black thongs
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
