I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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