Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
well most of my day revolves around power hour
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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