if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
