This girl is more easily done than said...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
