WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Your penis caused this!
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