AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
