you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
