Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
