dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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