wrigley field is MILF paradise
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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