yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he was CRYING into my vagina
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You need Xanax blowdarts
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
