I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
