I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
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