I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
