I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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