I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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