I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
