so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Randomize
