just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Are my feet made of real feet?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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