The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
