I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
