Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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