I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
