We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
