omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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