He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
