he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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