life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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