he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
