I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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