I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
