what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
