I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
