I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
