Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
