Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
