Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
